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Working on Myself Part 3. - "Falling Forward"

Friday, Feb 2nd, 2024 - I told my friends I was going to chill and play video games. About an hour later I received a call from my friend Kaz, saying he was outside my house, and told me we were going to the Lamplighter, my local karaoke dive bar.

What was special about his invitation aside from it being a surprise (I love surprises), was the way spoke when he called me. He used a voice that referenced a voice message I sent him earlier that week.

The voice message I sent Kaz transcribes to " Yo Kaz, it's Luke uh.. just wanted to let you know man... It's a beautiful day dog! It's a beautiful day dog! Don't let this rain get you down! Don't let the rain get you down! This is our day! This is our year! You fired up to be alive or not!? WOOAAUUH! GET SOME!"

By the time I finished recording the message I was yelling at the top of my lungs. I had sent a handful other voice messages to different friends where I yelled the same way. My intention was to surprise my friends and make them laugh with an unexpected amount of enthusiasm bright and early. I got some positive reactions, but none better then what Kaz sent back:

As I was saying - I had decided to spend my Friday night playing video games. I was locked into a match when I get a call from Kaz saying "It's a beautiful day dog! Don't let the rain get you down! WE'RE OUTSIDE!"

I was genuinely surprised, impressed, and flattered by my friends gesture to drag me out of my room to hit the town. I threw some jeans on and ran out to the car, where he and the night crew were jamming out to a song I made called "alphabet soup."

I proceeded to drink way too much that night. By the time I was back in my room, I was very high and drunk, and was spinning violently at the mercy of God. I entered a praying position and expressed deep remorse for my decisions and knew I was in for a ride. I remember experiencing a sensation that led me to realize I had never grounded myself in my own room. The spins were forcing me to feel the effect of gravity so intensely it caused a unique connection to my surroundings that I never felt before - a truly humbling experience.

Still kneeling and spinning, I put on a song that I had just made that day called "Come Down" which ironically uses the phrase "what goes up, must come down" and boy was I coming down - crashing! The song was describing the exact position I found myself in. It was overwhelming and caused me to spin more intensely.

After trying to vomit unsuccessfully in the toilet, I laid on my bed for a few moments, then vomited on the floor of my room about 4 times. Now half asleep and fully spinning, I had to clean up the stinky mess on the ground.

By the time I checked my phone, it was 5am. I had to be at work at 10am. I set an alarm, and woke up at 10:30am feeling horrible.

I thought about not going, but knew I had just enough energy to work a few hours. I came home at around 1pm and fell asleep right away until sunset.

That night I had a sleep paralysis. I was "awake" in my bed and couldn't move. I was being held down by a black force and I desperately tried to get away. I proceeded to have many dreams that night, but the black force stood out from the rest.

I still desperately want to escape the black force. I know that the light inside of me is much stronger. The black force only takes control when I let my guard down. I lost control and it took over, and had its way with me. It's embarrassing, but a good reminder of the balance necessary to continue manifesting my dreams.

God bless you all! May we continue to live the lives we desire. AMEN

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